White House message

One day Barack Obama woke up, looked out the window, and saw pissed into the snow, "Fuck You Obama." Obama was really ticked that something like that happened. He called the head of the Secret Service to his bedroom and yelled at him. "How the fuck did that happen? You better find who did it - NOW."

The Secret Service immediately flooded the White House lawn with agents taking samples and looking for clues. Then they ran over to the FBI headquarters to run the tests. Finally the head of the Secret Service came back with a report.

"I have good news and bad news, sir. The good news is, we know whose urine it is. It's Bill Clinton's."

Obama nearly dropped his cigarette. Shaking, he yelled, "How the hell is that good news? The former President just snuck in here without you seeing and pissed 'Fuck You' on my lawn? What could possibly be the bad news?"

The agent paused for a second and then said, "The handwriting is Michelle's."

I'll take mine with a light dressing

Terrible news in Cleveland:

A mother and daughter face animal cruelty charges stemming from their alleged abuse of more than 100 dogs rescued from a stench-filled home that the two women ran as an illicit breeding facility, authorities said on Sunday.

Alerted by complaints of foul odors and ceaseless barking, sheriff's deputies and humane officers on Friday raided the Cleveland-area house to find 108 dogs alive but malnourished wallowing in knee-deep muck inside.

Good thing the shithouse is far away from MMSD.

Moore said there were no water bowls or dog food in the house, and that the animals survived on a diet of raw kale and uncooked rice fed to them by the women.

What are they complaining about? It looks like the school lunch menu after Michelle Obama gets a hold of it.