Suggestions to make the British royal wedding better for men to watch

We checked with our male friends and asked them if they were planning on getting up early to watch the Prince William marry Kate whats-her-name. The reaction ranged from "What are you gay?" to "Dude, I still have my testicles." Obviously this is a problem for the networks. They may have the wedding crap on nine channels, but we still control the television remote and our wives don't know how to work the DVR. So we consulted the Cheddar 9000 computer and came up with a list of ways to make the British royal wedding interesting to men:

1. Instead of horses and carriages, NASCAR.


2. Hooters girls for bridesmaids


3. Prince Harry tells the Aristocrats joke at the wedding reception for the best man's toast to the happy couple.

4. Instead of trumpets heralding the arrival of royalty, Michael Buffer yells, "Let's get ready to rumble!"

5. Adam Sandler performs the wedding ceremony.

6. An old-fashioned beheading at the Tower of London.

7. Spraying of beer instead of throwing rice.

8. Prince Charles, "making it rain"

9. Instead of Kate throwing the bouquet, jello wrestling cage match.

10. Bride walks down the aisle to "Welcome to the Jungle"