Looking at those apples everyday will keep the doctor away

Good news for those of you who are fans of boobies. According to Fox News (they report, we stare at the video) it is good for a man's heart to look at women's breasts at least ten minutes per day.




That's right. You can either do the cardio workout or you can go to the strip club three days per week. Yeah, guess which way my health club money is about to get spent. I'd like my refund in singles, please.

Unfortunately I think this study leaves far too many unanswered questions. For example, is is better for men to look at fake tits or real tits? (I love doing research.)

Fake tits

Real tits (we think)

Is it heart-healthy for lesbians to look at tits?  Is it heart-healthy for men to look at lesbians?

And most importantly, if looking at boobs is good for the heart, do these work as a defibrillator?

Take two of those and slip out of bed before she wakes up in the morning.

Finally, as much as I hate to ask this, but do these have a positive effect on the heart?

Because I can name one part of the anatomy that was not helped by staring at those.