The Aristocrats joke explained

Gilbert Gottfried explains the Aristocrats joke:


Bob Saget tells his complete version:

I may become a soccer fan after all

Roundabout without an island

Don't give the Wisconsin DOT any ideas.

I wonder if they washed her down with Coca-Cola

Remember to floss after eating the human

This is what happens when someone really stupid hears how the cute, cuddly polar bear is endangered by global warming. Natural selection? Yeah, a new selection on the polar bear buffet line.

Wouldn't it be ironic if she's a vegetarian?

Just telling the truth

Carnival game gone wrong

"Go ahead, little girl. Throw a dart at the balloon and win a prize."

You should have seen how the balloons were inflated. Here's a quiz for you. Which of them are Friends of Dorothy, and which one actually did Dorothy?

But grandma, I don't want to give you a hug

How about we shake hands instead, grandma?

When Dolly Parton's airbags deployed

Yeah, try stuffing those back into the dashboard.

But who is the compensation for?

Oh Yeah!!! Ladies, drink this in!

Do you think he lost a bet?  I bet he got the idea while in prison.  Dude, maybe you should try the sugar-free.  Why is he smiling when he lost his little spout?

Looking at those apples everyday will keep the doctor away

Good news for those of you who are fans of boobies. According to Fox News (they report, we stare at the video) it is good for a man's heart to look at women's breasts at least ten minutes per day.




That's right. You can either do the cardio workout or you can go to the strip club three days per week. Yeah, guess which way my health club money is about to get spent. I'd like my refund in singles, please.

Unfortunately I think this study leaves far too many unanswered questions. For example, is is better for men to look at fake tits or real tits? (I love doing research.)

Fake tits

Real tits (we think)

Is it heart-healthy for lesbians to look at tits?  Is it heart-healthy for men to look at lesbians?

And most importantly, if looking at boobs is good for the heart, do these work as a defibrillator?

Take two of those and slip out of bed before she wakes up in the morning.

Finally, as much as I hate to ask this, but do these have a positive effect on the heart?

Because I can name one part of the anatomy that was not helped by staring at those.