Le affaire and le bullet

Milwaukee Police Chief Ed Flynn wants to make drunk driving a reason to prevent a person from being able to carry a concealed weapon in Wisconsin. Excuse, me, but what the hell does drunk driving have to do with carrying a concealed weapon?

Perhaps Flynn should be concerned about his own weapon and keeping it concealed. After all, when is a gun (double-entrende intended) more likely to be used with deadly intent, the result of an extra-marital affair gone wrong, or when someone is drunk? The jealous and angry spouse, or a shooting at a few road signs?

Perhaps Flynn should be reminded of everyone's favorite nursery rhyme from Full Metal Jacket:

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [chanting] This is my rifle.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [grabbing his crotch] This is my gun.
Marines: This is for fighting.
Marines: [grabbing their crotches] This is for fun.

Face warmer

Look Dad, I ain't eatin no more beets

Baby Says "F*ck It" - watch more funny videos

I prefer my slides circumcised

Wiener Slide - watch more funny videos

Suggestions to make the British royal wedding better for men to watch

We checked with our male friends and asked them if they were planning on getting up early to watch the Prince William marry Kate whats-her-name. The reaction ranged from "What are you gay?" to "Dude, I still have my testicles." Obviously this is a problem for the networks. They may have the wedding crap on nine channels, but we still control the television remote and our wives don't know how to work the DVR. So we consulted the Cheddar 9000 computer and came up with a list of ways to make the British royal wedding interesting to men:

1. Instead of horses and carriages, NASCAR.


2. Hooters girls for bridesmaids


3. Prince Harry tells the Aristocrats joke at the wedding reception for the best man's toast to the happy couple.

4. Instead of trumpets heralding the arrival of royalty, Michael Buffer yells, "Let's get ready to rumble!"

5. Adam Sandler performs the wedding ceremony.

6. An old-fashioned beheading at the Tower of London.

7. Spraying of beer instead of throwing rice.

8. Prince Charles, "making it rain"

9. Instead of Kate throwing the bouquet, jello wrestling cage match.

10. Bride walks down the aisle to "Welcome to the Jungle"

At least he'll listen when it's bedtime

The Aristocrats joke explained

Gilbert Gottfried explains the Aristocrats joke:


Bob Saget tells his complete version: